I love you, but I can't give you what you want!

Tonight, I really struggled not to give into Johnathan's cries to nurse. A tooth is cutting through his gums. After waiting through the first round of his crying out, and knowing that it was more of a cry that I couldn't just ignore, I went into his room armed with oral gel, a small dose of baby advil, and a sippy cup with warmed milk. As I entered, he cried out, "Mama!" in a wail and stood up in his crib. I scooped him up and held him close on my shoulder. He cried for a while gripping me tightly. After a few minutes, I laid him down on his back at the changing table, which he greatly protested, but I insisted on changing him. After slathering oral gel on the swollen knob on his gum, I decided to give him the baby advil as well. And then I held him on my shoulder to soothe him. But he was not going to have it! He wanted to nurse, and he started worming his way down into a cradle position to try to make his point. So many times before in the past, I just would give in, especially when I knew he was in pain and I would nurse him while the oral gel and/or medicine would kick in. But...Johnathan is 13 months old, and I've started weaning him. It is so much harder than I thought, especially since nursing him has been pretty much a piece of cake, this past year!

As he made it clear to me what he wanted, I sat down in the rocker and grabbed the sippy cup of milk and offered it to him. He rejected it, at first. Then he took a couple of swallows, and then, pushed it away while crying and then attempting to route. In order to keep from giving into his routing, I stood up from the rocking chair and moved him back up to my shoulder. He was devasted at this move, and just gripped me and sobbed. I am so tired...my sluggish mind thinks how easy to just give him what he wants. And as his cries are getting louder into my shoulder, I hug him tightly and cry back to him, "Johnny, I love you, but I can't give you what you want!" over and over again.

And then I realize, that I'm having a glimpse of what our Heavenly Father must go through with all of us. Experiencing this as a parent, has really opened my eyes as to how our Father in Heaven might feel sometimes as He hears us pray and cry out to Him, especially in our times of trial and suffering. I am sure He would just love to scoop us up into His arms, just as I did with Johnny. I'm sure He, too, would love to give us all we want, especially to ease our pains and even take away that which is hurting us. But, I have felt and seen His infinite wisdom come into play in my life and in the lives of those around me, as I have heard Him lovingly answer in many different ways the same thing that I told me little one, tonight: "I love you, my child, but I can't give you what you want. But, I hear you, and I'll help you through, and one day you'll understand why."